fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
