You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
