I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
