the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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