I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
