He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
