Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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