I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
