I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
