You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he fucked my hip out of place.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
