I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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