between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
