Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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