So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
