I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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