I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i came on her dog
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Vodka?
Forever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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