He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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