Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
