I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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