But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Im part way to drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
