i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
