Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
