No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
