Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
