Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Plan B is the new Plan A

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(248): View more from Michigan

i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.

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(440): View more from Ohio

It looked like if robin williams had a vagina

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(940): View more from Texas

I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter

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(720): View more from Colorado

my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".

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