Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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