Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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