this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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