Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
