'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
