I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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