Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
