is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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