If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
