Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
