I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i now understand why vodka
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
