Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
