I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
