planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
