All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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