never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
