Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
