I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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