do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
