I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
