New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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