I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
