I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
