Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
