i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
