I just cut my nipple shaving
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
