Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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