I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
