so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize