I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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