OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
