Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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