I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
