i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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