i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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