question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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