Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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