the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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