you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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