We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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