Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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