Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I just put wine in my tea
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
