apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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