I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
