I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
