its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
