Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
