Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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