Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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