Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
