guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
