I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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