my mouth tastes like poor choices
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
