she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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