He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize