She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
