I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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