I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
