i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize