Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
